Blessings on your head

Luke 9:16

    "¹⁶ Jesus took the five loaves and two fish, looked up toward heaven, and blessed them. Then, breaking the loaves into pieces, he kept giving the bread and fish to the disciples so they could distribute it to the people."

A couple of years ago, I read this verse and something stood out to me. Normally I'll write about what stands out to me today; not years ago...but this time, it's still standing out to me! The little tid-bit that stood out to me was this, Jesus BLESSED the bread before He could multiply it.

With all my talk of healing I have to step back and look at it this way, is this another clue to my puzzle? We ask a blessing on our food at the table a lot, and that may come from this verse; but look at what Jesus did BEFORE the miracle here, He asked God to bless the food. I may be way off here, but I'm seeing that if you want a miracle, a healing or an outpouring of God in your life; YOU HAVE TO ASK HIM TO BLESS IT FIRST! I think this goes back to my demanding to be healed, but am I taking the time to ask God to bless my healing? Am I actively taking a part in this, or just sitting back and expecting God to do all my dirty work?

I've noticed a pattern since I started my blog, my TMJ has gotten seemingly worse. I don't think it really has, but I'm noticing it a lot more, I'm paying attention to the pain more. I've been trying to take those opportunities to pray about the pain and to ask for healing. But I haven't asked God to bless that healing first. I'm not sure exactly how that would play out, but it's something that I'm going to have to keep an eye out for.

I wanted to take this and turn the tables a bit, I wonder if any of my readers are struggling with the same things, or if I'm alone in this. I also wonder if any of my faithful have any advice for me? I'd love to hear what everyone is thinking here!

Daughter, your faith has healed you!

Luke 8:43-48

   "As Jesus went with him, he was surrounded by the crowds. 43 A woman in the crowd had suffered for twelve years with constant bleeding,t and she could find no cure. 44 Coming up behind Jesus, she touched the fringe of his robe. Immediately, the bleeding stopped.

45 “Who touched me?” Jesus asked.
Everyone denied it, and Peter said, “Master, this whole crowd is pressing up against you.”

46 But Jesus said, “Someone deliberately touched me, for I felt healing power go out from me.” 47 When the woman realized that she could not stay hidden, she began to tremble and fell to her knees in front of him. The whole crowd heard her explain why she had touched him and that she had been immediately healed. 48 “Daughter,” he said to her, “your faith has made you well. Go in peace.”

This women has been a spiritual hero for me for some time. I can identify with her because, I too, have had the same kinds of issues she suffered from for 12 years. I only had to deal with mine for about 3; and it nearly drove me insane, I can't imagine dealing with something like that for 12 years! I understand her thinking, because I've often thought, if I can just TOUCH the edge of His robe, I KNOW I'll be healed! But that's where our similarities end. I don't have a robe to touch, and she had the faith to go out and do what needed to be done.

I find hope in this verse though, because Jesus called her daughter; and told her that her faith had healed her. How amazing that must have felt for her. First, she found the courage to actually touch the robe. In her culture women didn't tend to get to learn at the feet of Teachers; and Jesus was just such a Teacher. So for her to be brave enough to even approach Him is fantastic, but she actually touched his robe! I am not an expert in the culture of the times, but I'm guessing that was pretty much a no-no, to touch an important person at all. Now, Jesus' ministry never followed the rules of the times, and he interacted with women a lot, so this wasn't really new to Him. I would guess that it was new to her though. I'd guess this because she didn't immediately confess that it was her He had healed. That's where my second portion of hope comes in, once she did confess; He told her that her faith had healed her! The third thing that gives me hope is that He said to "go in peace". So this women is healed by faith and is given a peace about it! She "broke the rules" but He gave her, and those standing around her, verbal confirmation that she did do the right thing and should feel no guilt!

I'm starting to notice that Jesus doesn't take credit for a lot of things in the Bible, He seems to lay the credit at the healee's faith. I want that kind of faith! I want to hear “Daughter,” he said to her, “your faith has made you well. Go in peace.”  Sometimes I feel a little pompous writing my blog and coming to conclusions based on what I learn. I feel like I read into things too much, or not enough; in essence, that I'm breaking the rules by writing down my thoughts and observations to be read by other people. I urn to hear my Lord and Savior say this to me, that my faith has made me well and I shouldn't feel guilty about being healed.

My whole journey started with these thoughts, Faith of a Small Seed. I've come a long way in a few weeks, but not nearly far enough. I pray the Lord will continue to lead me and guide me through the process of gaining that "small seed" faith!

More "small seeds" lessons

Psalm 69:13
   "¹³ But I keep praying to you, Lord,
      hoping this time you will show me favor.
   In your unfailing love, O God,
      answer my prayer with your sure salvation."

In this Psalm (written by David) I see a cry of my heart. Scripture tells us that David was a man after God's own heart, (Acts 13:22) "²² But God removed Saul and replaced him with David, a man about whom God said, ‘I have found David son of Jesse, a man after my own heart. He will do everything I want him to do.’^"  But throughout the Psalms we see David struggling and doubting. When I read this Psalm and see David, the famed man after God's own heart say, "¹³ But I keep praying to you, Lord, hoping this time you will show me favor.", I can begin to feel a peace about my doubts and fears. Now that peace doesn't make those fears right, just let's me know that I'm not the only one who has ever had those doubts.

There is something else that I noticed about this verse though, DIRECTLY after saying that he kept praying hoping God would favor him this time, David throws this gem out there "In your unfailing love, O God, answer my prayer with your sure salvation." He recognizes that God's love is unfailing, and that His salvation is sure. David prays like this a lot in the Psalms, he'll voice his frustrations and then turn around and say, but Your will is what I want in my life, God; Your salvation is what will save me. How wonderful for me to see this, and again learn how to voice my doubts but also see that I need to acknowledge God's sovereignty in my life!

I have issues falling asleep at night a lot, and last night as I was trying to get my body to relax enough to fall asleep; I realized that I was grinding my teeth and clenching my jaw again. Whenever I find myself falling into the habits of my TMJ, I take that opportunity to pray that I be healed. As I started that prayer last night, I stopped mid way through and chuckled (to myself, my husband already thinks I'm crazy enough!) and re started my prayer to say "Thank you Lord, for reminding me that I need to pray!" How often do I fall into that routine of give me, give me, give me? I wrote about it last week; and it appears I haven't yet learned that lesson. When I prayed that way, even though I was chuckling, I felt almost like a failure. Here I was again, falling into old habits and not learning those new lessons that God has been sending my ways. In the Bible, Paul talks about his prayer for healing in 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 "7 even though I have received such wonderful revelations from God. So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud.
8 Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. 9 Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 10 That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong. And now I have to wonder if God might not be sending me the same message. “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.”  That was how I felt last night, when I thought to myself, if it weren't for this pain; would I have remembered to pray tonight? I don't know that I would have, and if I did...would it have been the concentrated prayer time that I had last night?

I'm not kidding when I say that I love to talk; and I end up talking "to myself" all of the time. When I was younger I used to joke that I was talking to God, because He was the only one listening!  As I've grown older, I've tried to make that joke into a reality. That is, when I'm hashing out a problem through talking; I try to make that talking time a prayer. This practice has made for a more rich prayer time, but not always the most focused prayer time. So now, I'm adding this theory that when I'm reminded to pray for my healing, I'll try to remind myself to focus my prayer and pray for those around me as well.

Humor in the Word

Psalm 66:19-20

   "19 But God did listen!
He paid attention to my prayer.

20 Praise God, who did not ignore my prayer
or withdraw his unfailing love from me."

I read this verse this morning, and I just had to giggle. After the blog that I wrote the other day, where I wrote about learning that I need to stop demanding God heal me and start praying "if You want to, You can heal me"; I read that God DID listen! I'm more then sure that God has a sense of humor, but it is always fun to SEE that sense of humor come out in unexpected ways!

I not only found humor in these verses, but I also find a nugget to share! God did not ignore us, and He won't withdrawal his unfailing love from us either! How fantastic is that? I know that I've messed up tons of times, hence writing a blog about my demanding ways, but these verses say it all: "19 But God did listen!
He paid attention to my prayer. 20 Praise God, who did not ignore my prayer or withdraw his unfailing love from me." Wow. It's just amazing that God can teach me a lesson; a hard lesson, one day and then turn around and tell me that He does hear me!

I think my biggest lesson in my journey so far has been to read my Bible as a teaching tool, not only do I have things to write about this way, but I'm reading my Bible with a totally different attitude then I was before. Before I just read because I wanted to say I'd read my whole Bible this year; and then as I started to grow a little in my faith, my Bible reading time turned into a search for verses that could be my "life verse" for whatever year I found them. Now, as I've begun writing this blog, I've grown another step. I'm actually taking verses and trying to see how they apply to my life. I think the difference comes with the humble attitude, as opposed to my more demanding attitude of before. This year marks the the 7th time I'll have read through my Bible, and it's taken me this long to start looking with a "teachers eye".

It also gives me a whole new respect for teachers, especially those teaching teenagers, because when you teach something to them...you sometimes have to learn those lessons yourself. I can't even count the times that I've read a verse and thought...ooohhh good lesson to write about, someone needs to hear that....only to have God say "yep, and that someones YOU!" I do have to say, writing a blog like this is keeping me humble, because it's all lessons I'M learning and not my readers!

I praise the Lord for His humor, and for sharing it with me this week! It's nice to be able to smile after learning such a painful and scary lesson the other day.

The Scary Prayer

Luke 5:12-13
   "12 In one of the villages, Jesus met a man with an advanced case of leprosy. When the man saw Jesus, he bowed with his face to the ground, begging to be healed. “Lord,” he said, “if you are willing, you can heal me and make me clean.”
13 Jesus reached out and touched him. “I am willing,” he said. “Be healed!” And instantly the leprosy disappeared."

Faith, the Biblical definition of faith is found in Hebrews 11:1 "1  Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see." But today I want to talk about practical faith. The verse in Luke shows a huge leap of faith for the man with leprosy. He said the scariest phrase known to me. He said to Jesus "if YOU are willing..." Those words scare me. I've been on this journey for a few months now; and I've been gobbling up every word of healing I can find thus far. I read this verse today and was a little floored. I'm learning another aspect of my healing. After reading this verse it dawned on me that I've been awful demanding on God. I've been praying for healing, demanding that my pain and issues go away; now I've been demanding in a nice and polite way; but demanding none the less. This man, whom was considered unclean in his time, looks the Son of God in the face and acknowledges that it's HIS choice if we are healed or not. Notice what Jesus responds with, an immediate “I am willing,”  as if He is ALWAYS ready and just waiting for us to acknowledge His power. I don't feel like this is a power trip for Jesus, just that He is patiently waiting for me to acknowledge His healing power and stop demanding I be instantly healed.

I have been trying to read my Bible with an eye towards what I might write about in my blog, meaning that I've started looking at the Bible as a teaching opportunity in my life; this approach is helping me see a lot of the little things I was missing before and even see new joys and lessons in favorite verses of the past. So while I read today, I started thinking to myself, what can I get from these passages? My Bible is a "read it in a year Bible" that has a passage from the old testament, a passage from the new testament, a psalm and a couple of verses of Proverbs every day, so I get a wide variety of reading. My old testament passage was about the Cities of Refuge that the Israelites were to build for people who had accidentally murdered someone. The concept was that if a murder occurred by accident; the person could run to a City of Refuge and be safe from the kin of the murdered person. This "murderer" had to stay IN that city until the High Priest died, then he could return to his property. I had ideas about this and my blog; something about how Jesus is our city of refuge now, but I kept reading. Then I read this verse and tried my hardest to skim over it. Next came the passage where the friends of the crippled man lowered him from a roof in front of Jesus so he could heal the man. I wanted to write about the loyalty of the friends and their determination in seeing their friend healed. But when I got done reading I was praying, and I prayed what the man with leprosy said to Jesus...if you want to, you can heal me...and instantly thought "WOW, that's a scary prayer!" and my next thought was; OK God, I'll write about my fear!

Why is that scary to me? It's scary because it acknowledges the fact that God may NOT want to heal me. It points it out in a way that says to me, Julie this maybe something God isn't going to take away from you. WOW. After reading and praying that, I realized that my faith was going to have to grow again. Now it had to cover my fear of not being healed as part of God's plan for me. Now I have to expand again and remember that Jeremiah 29:11 says "11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."  The Lord is on MY side, but that doesn't mean that healing me of my TMJ is a part of that GOOD He has planned for me. So now I have to see if my faith is big enough to include this new revelation; that God has good planned for me that might also cause me pain. I know that my faith can handle that, it already has; but still, it's hard to admit to myself that I may never be healed and that if I'm NOT healed, it's still a part of God's planned good for my life.

I hope my revelation isn't scaring anyone to much today, because the last part, the part from Jeremiah is the hope here. God's plans ARE for our good and not our disaster. Plans that; even if they do cause us pain, will give us a FUTURE and a HOPE. Thank you Jesus for opening my eyes yet again. I love You and I know that "if You want to, You can heal me" but I also acknowledge that if You DON'T want to heal me that it is a part of Your planned good in my life! Thank you Jesus; Amen!

JOY!

Psalm 63: 1-8
   "1 O God, you are my God;
I earnestly search for you.
My soul thirsts for you;
my whole body longs for you
in this parched and weary land
where there is no water.

2 I have seen you in your sanctuary
and gazed upon your power and glory.

3 Your unfailing love is better than life itself;
how I praise you!

4 I will praise you as long as I live,
lifting up my hands to you in prayer.

5 You satisfy me more than the richest feast.
I will praise you with songs of joy.

6 I lie awake thinking of you,
meditating on you through the night.

7 Because you are my helper,
I sing for joy in the shadow of your wings.

8 I cling to you;
your strong right hand holds me securely."

What beautiful words I found today in Psalm 63! I knew what I wanted to write about today, but I didn't know it would come in such a perfect verse!

There are several aspects to this verse that apply to me right now. First, I live in Oklahoma; which is enduring a drought right now, so when it says I long for Him like a perched and weary land where there is no water...I can identify! Not only is Oklahoma in a drought but sometimes I feel that way as well. I'm sure I'm not the only one who's felt this way, lonely, as if God had left me, and just far away in general. I've heard other people mention it to me, so I know I'm not alone. But here's the thing, when I find my self in one of those dry patches, and then make it through that patch; I come out on the other side with a new understanding of things. I always seem to learn SOMETHING, or more likely lots of things, when I feel as if God has left and is no where around.

And then I read how the Palmist says that His unfailing love is better then life it's self and I rejoice because I 100% agree with that! In my journey of learning...all of them...I've come to know and understand that my life is nothing without the One who created it leading and guiding it. In fact, sometimes, I get so excited about the thought of heaven, that I don't want to wait! I want to go join that party now! I love the way the Psalmist words this whole section, it's so uplifting and hopeful!

This weekend, my husband and best friend went to go visit some of our other friends in Tulsa. While we were there we did the typical vacation thing and ate the whole time; and not healthy either, so when I read verse 5, "You satisfy me more than the richest feast. I will praise you with songs of joy." It just made me smile! It is so much fun to leave your healthy diet behind for a weekend and just eat whatever fest is put in front of you, but by the time the vacation is over you are feeling as if you never want to eat again. The pelasure is only short lived in the eating of a fest. But, like the Palmsit says here, the Lord satisfies me more then the richest feast...and not only that, but He continues to satisfy, He'll never stop satisfing me and teaching me. What a joy to read that verse. I can see why the Psalmist follows that with singing praise songs of joy!

7 Because you are my helper,
I sing for joy in the shadow of your wings.

8 I cling to you;
your strong right hand holds me securely."

Yet even in my joy, I learn something from the Lord. These verses tell WHY I can sing for joy, I sing because the Lord is my helper, my teacher, my friend. He hides me beneath His wings, protects me there. All of these things really do cause me to cling even tighter to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ! I can just imagine in my head, clinging to the robes of this great Man, this Awesome Savior of mine, and when I get to Heaven, I imagine I will!

I have to be quiet too?

Psalm 62:1-2

   "1 I wait quietly before God,
for my victory comes from him.

2 He alone is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress where I will never be shaken."


I've been posting about my journey this year, a journey to healing and patience and more, in essence I've been posting about my journey to victory. But wait, what is this I read? It appears that my victory comes from waiting quietly before God? Oh dear, I'm in trouble now. Waiting quietly is not something that comes easy to me. Throughout my life time, I've been accused; repeatedly, of being a talker. Even to this day, my husband will get overly frustrated with me because I will try to finish his sentences when he pauses. Not only that, but I'm not one who deals with silences; be they awkward or not. So how am I going to achieve victory?

I guess I'm going to have to learn to wait quietly huh? Posting about this seems rather ironic to me, because in my posting...I'm not be quiet! That aside, I do think that I'm learning a lot about this particular aspect; again it's going back to my patience...or lack there of. That "fear" of quiet that I seem to have, it marks me as impatient and has me coming off as somewhat spoiled too. I don't want to blame my upbringing, but I was raised in America; where the culture has been screaming at me to have it my way, right away for my entire life. I'm coming to the conclusion that America MAY have gotten this wrong...huh, what a surprise right? I don't NEED to have everything my way and I REALLY don't need to have it right now. I have discovered that good things honestly DO come to those who wait!

For instance, when God blesses us with a child, I know that child will be loved, well taken care of and raised in the ways of the Lord. If God had blessed us with a bundle of joy when we first got married, I'm pretty sure some of those things would have been lacking. I can look at my journey now compared to then and see that I've grown leaps and bounds in my spiritual walk and my "health" walk as well. I wouldn't have been able to teach my child about the joys of exercising and eating right, because I didn't know there was any joy in those things 10 years ago. I hadn't learned yet that waiting brings better things to me. I wouldn't have had even a tenth of the spiritual knowledge that I'm gaining now, because I hadn't lived the pain, or fear or happiness that life brings you yet. This verse would have meant something totally different to me 10 years ago, it would and DID mean something totally different to me 4 years ago.

I've mentioned before that I underline and date passages in my Bible as I'm reading so that I can see where my walk was and is. This verse is one that was was underlined and dated in 2007. I was going through a rough spot at work, not making enough money; and having issues with those I worked with. So then, I was claiming the victory through a new job, today I'm learning what it means to take that step and actually be quiet with the Lord. So now this verse has a positive meaning to it, where as 4 years ago it was a desperate plea from a torn and breaking person.

So through this journey, I'm learning that my rock never shall be shaken, and I'm learning that this is due to MY posture with God, the way I act toward Him, and what He's done in my life. Instead of demanding things from Him, I'm learning to wait quietly on Him and know that He is my salvation and that He's my rock that will never be shaken. Through all that I've learned, I'm sad of one thing; and that is that I didn't stop talking and start listening a long time ago!

Make a Joyful Noise

Psalm 59:16-17

   "¹⁶ But as for me, I will sing about your power.
      Each morning I will sing with joy about your unfailing love.
   For you have been my refuge,
      a place of safety when I am in distress.
 ¹⁷ O my Strength, to you I sing praises,
      for you, O God, are my refuge,
      the God who shows me unfailing love."

How awesome that I have a God who shows me unfailing love! How awesome that I have the right and privilege to SING about His unfailing love! If you have ever met me, you know that I am a singer. I love to sing, and sometimes it sounds great, and other times...well; let's just say that when you sing harmony out loud to a melody in your head, you tend to get some strange looks. :-) So for me to see verses (well pretty much the whole book of Psalms!) that say I will sing about this or that...oh it makes my hear soar! I'm sure God gave me this gift, to want to sing, for a reason right? Even if it's just for my own enjoyment and the enjoyment of the Father!

the Lord IS powerful, and His love IS unfailing, so why not sing about it? My original thought for my blog today centered around singing, so I thought I might combine the two thoughts here. I have always had mentor's and Godly people in my life suggest that I learn the scriptures. But here is the thing, scripture; at points, can be very dry and hard to memorize. When I was younger, and in Kids Choir, at my church we would SING those scriptures. I know that the other kids with me in that choir would be able to sing to you 1 John 4:7-8 "⁷Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.  ⁸He that loveth not (clap, clap, clap)  knoweth not God; for God is love." And a few of those might be able to sing the first 16 verses of Luke 2 as well. We preformed a GREAT play that had us kids singing the scripture word for word. As an adult, I realize how wonderful that was, how I can sing scripture and find comfort in God's word through song!

When my days are rough and I'm sad, I sing about seeking His kingdom first, when I'm happy I can sing praises about "glorifying and praising God", and not only that but contemporary Christian music is word for word scripture at some points as well! The Lord certainly knew what He was doing when He made my head think in musical terms! And He certainly knew what He was doing when He inspired song in His creation! I praise Your Name with song and dancing Lord! Thank You so much for music and the opportunities it gives me to praise You more!

I feel ya, Zach!

Luke 1:11-20   
 ¹¹ While Zechariah was in the sanctuary, an angel of the Lord appeared to him, standing to the right of the incense altar. ¹² Zechariah was shaken and overwhelmed with fear when he saw him. ¹³ But the angel said, “Don’t be afraid, Zechariah! God has heard your prayer. Your wife, Elizabeth, will give you a son, and you are to name him John. ¹⁴ You will have great joy and gladness, and many will rejoice at his birth, ¹⁵ for he will be great in the eyes of the Lord. He must never touch wine or other alcoholic drinks. He will be filled with the Holy Spirit, even before his birth ¹⁶ And he will turn many Israelites to the Lord their God. ¹⁷ He will be a man with the spirit and power of Elijah. He will prepare the people for the coming of the Lord. He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and he will cause those who are rebellious to accept the wisdom of the godly.”
 ¹⁸ Zechariah said to the angel, “How can I be sure this will happen? I’m an old man now, and my wife is also well along in years.”
 ¹⁹ Then the angel said, “I am Gabriel! I stand in the very presence of God. It was he who sent me to bring you this good news! ²⁰ But now, since you didn’t believe what I said, you will be silent and unable to speak until the child is born. For my words will certainly be fulfilled at the proper time.”

Sometimes, when I'm reading my Bible, I find myself really identifying with someone. While I was enjoying my reading time this morning, I read this portion of scripture, and while I can really identify with it, I didn't understand JUST how much until I read a portion of scripture a little bit further on in Luke. That portion, Luke 1:42-56 "⁴² Elizabeth gave a glad cry and exclaimed to Mary, “God has blessed you above all women, and your child is blessed. ⁴³ Why am I so honored, that the mother of my Lord should visit me? ⁴⁴ When I heard your greeting, the baby in my womb jumped for joy. ⁴⁵ You are blessed because you believed that the Lord would do what he said.”

The Magnificat: Mary’s Song of Praise

 ⁴⁶ Mary responded,
   “Oh, how my soul praises the Lord.
    ⁴⁷ How my spirit rejoices in God my Savior!
 ⁴⁸ For he took notice of his lowly servant girl,
      and from now on all generations will call me blessed.
 ⁴⁹ For the Mighty One is holy,
      and he has done great things for me.
 ⁵⁰ He shows mercy from generation to generation
      to all who fear him.
 ⁵¹ His mighty arm has done tremendous things!
      He has scattered the proud and haughty ones.
 ⁵² He has brought down princes from their thrones
      and exalted the humble.
 ⁵³ He has filled the hungry with good things
      and sent the rich away with empty hands.
 ⁵⁴ He has helped his servant Israel
      and remembered to be merciful.
 ⁵⁵ For he made this promise to our ancestors,
      to Abraham and his children forever.” , points out Mary's reaction to the news that she is carrying the Son of God. Mary just jumps right in with both feet, and believes without ever seeming to falter. How difficult would that be? I mean, Mary was engaged to be married, and finding herself with child; without having done anything to GET with child, but she doesn't argue or anything; just believed and rejoiced about it.

Now Zachariah, HE had the response I would have had in his situation. He looked at the angel and said, HOW? How can Elizabeth conceive, we are old! I have felt that way, a lot; and on my journey to learning faith and patience, I'm feeling that way now. HOW God? HOW can I conceive, HOW can I be healed, HOW can I do what You want me to do with my life? HOW God, HOW? In my heart, I KNOW that God can do anything, and I've read it in the scriptures that all things are possible with God; but I, like Zachariah, have a hard time convincing my head of those same facts. I'm a fairly logical person, I like things in order and I LOVE having my routines. In fact, I have a hard time functioning when my routine is thrown off. I can adapt, I've learned how, but I'm much more comfortable in my routines; so when God throws a wrench at me, I tend to get uncomfortable. With what I've been learning in my faith/patience journey; I know this isn't the right "answer" or response, but again I can't wrap my head around that concept.

Sometimes I be-moan my personality traits, that have me fighting God's will in my life. The same traits that make just simply having faith on certain things so hard for me. I am coming to the realization that it might be things that directly concern ME that I have so little faith in. I seem to have faith that things will happen for others, for example; I have faith and know in my heart AND head that a few single people in my life have "God appointed" mates just waiting for them, but I can't seem to wrap my faith around the fact that I'm not pregnant yet. How does that make any sense? How come my faith is so big for others, and so small for myself? Do I subconsciously believe that I don't deserve the good things God has in store for me? Or is it more to the angle of "I've already been given SO much, I can't possibly have anything else in store" kind of thing? I think that this is an issue that I've struggled with for most of my life. I've always had low self esteem, and it feels as if God is talking to me about this as I'm typing. He's telling me that I DO deserve everything that He's got in store for me, that He is all I'll ever need, in fact, He's MUCH more then that.

I want to praise God for my hurt right now, I want to say to Him, thank You, I'm pretty bull headed, but I think I'm starting to hear you now. I love You, Lord; and I still need Your help to make it through on a daily basis...and to keep telling me how much I'm loved, cherished and blessed. I know in my heart that You've got healing, and great surprises in store for me, I pray that you would help my head to have faith in that as well. Thank You Lord!

Happenings Around the World

 Psalm 54

¹ Come with great power, O God, and rescue me!
      Defend me with your might.
 ² Listen to my prayer, O God.
      Pay attention to my plea.

I woke up this morning to the news that Japan had experienced an 8.9 magnatude earthquake and that Tusnami's were headed towards Hawaii, the US west coast and 10 other countries. The second I heard this news on the radio, I started praying. For some reason, the Lord laid it on my heart that I pray for Japan in earnest. Then while I was reading my Bible this morning, I read Psalm 54, and parts of this Psalm really spoke to me about Japan, and Hawaii (as we were waiting for the waves to start hitting Hawaii at the time). I took these words and made them a prayer for those two places. Lord, come with great power, O God, and rescue Japan and Hawaii! Defend them with Your might. Listen to our prayers, O God. Pay attention to our pleas.

 ³ For strangers are attacking me;
      violent people are trying to kill me.
      They care nothing for God.
                         Interlude
 ⁴ But God is my helper.
      The Lord keeps me alive!

As I kept reading, I felt as if God were saying to me that my prayers were being answered. It's not very often that I feel such a burden to pray for something like this, I feel the need to pray for disasters, but never as pressing as this seems/seemed this morning. I know the Lord has all of these people in the palm of his hand, and verse four testifies to that. Lord, we thank you for we know that God is Japan and Hawaii's helper. The Lord keeps them alive!

 ⁵ May the evil plans of my enemies be turned against them.
      Do as you promised and put an end to them.

 ⁶ I will sacrifice a voluntary offering to you;
      I will praise your name, O Lord,
      for it is good.
 ⁷ For you have rescued me from my troubles
      and helped me to triumph over my enemies.

I am still praying for everyone involved, especially Janpan. I have no idea what it must be like for the people who don't know where thier loved ones are, if they are even alive. My heart is breaking for all of the loss they must be feeling right now. The raido was reporting that dozens of lives had been lost, and possible up to thousands could be lost. So we continue to pray. Lord, we will sacrifice a voluntary offering to You; we will parise Your name, O Lord, for it is good. For You have rescued Japan and Hawaii from thier troubles and helped them to triumph over the earthquake and the Tusnami.

I have had one random person in Japan read my blog, and my heart goes out to them. Lord, please protect the Japan reader of my blog, keep them safe and lead them to help in any way that they can. We love You Lord, thank You for all you are doing! Amen.

A Prayer Request

Matthew 18:19-20
   ¹⁹ “I also tell you this: If two of you agree here on earth concerning anything you ask, my Father in heaven will do it for you. ²⁰ For where two or three gather together as my followers,  I am there among them.”

Have you ever felt like you could do anything you wanted? I confess, in my dreams I feel this way, but in "reality" I feel very limited and human. There is a verse in the Bible that talks about our strength in Christ (Philippians 4:13) "¹³ For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.", but I must confess again, I have a hard time putting this verse into action.

I mentioned awhile ago that I had gone through a class at my church to find my Chazown, or vision, and last night we had a follow up meeting. In this meeting they'd asked if there was anything we'd done to "meet" our vision or walk towards that vision yet. I mentioned that my husband and I are looking into adopting or foster a child through our DHS system in Oklahoma. Now, as I was trying to fall asleep last night, I started thinking about another way I can walk towards my vision. I was all on fire about my thoughts as I'm trying to sleep, but in the morning light; I feel less then adequate to accomplish these goals. I KNOW this is the "enemy" trying to get me down, so I'm asking you all to help me out today, I'm asking if you might pray for me so that I can walk towards my vision.

I want to share this portion of my vision with you so that you will know what, exactly, to pray for. Here's my thoughts. I'd like to start a ministry in my church that would provide lawn cutting services to the older people or disabled people in our community, who are unable to cut the lawns themselves. In Oklahoma City, we have city codes that require your lawn be less then 1 inch tall, and if you are outside of that limit, the city will send someone to cut it for you. Unfortunately for those that are unable to cut it, this costs hundreds of dollars for the home owner every time that the city has to send someone to cut it. I know that it's heart breaking for the enforcement officers to have to charge these people for services they are unable to do themselves. I know all of this because I work in this department of the city. My idea is to give the information to the inspectors and (if they legally can) let them give the information to people who could use it. If those people then, in turn, contact me about getting their lawns mowed; I could organize a crew to get their lawns mowed. I feel like this is VERY doable, but slightly over whelming for me, so I'm asking that you pray first of all, that I can make all of this happen (through Christ, of course) and second of all that I can find the volunteers at the Church that are willing to help.

The verse in Matthew from the beginning of my post, says that  "If two of you agree here on earth concerning anything you ask, my Father in heaven will do it for you. ²⁰ For where two or three gather together as my followers,  I am there among them.” and I am claiming this verse for my vision! I am praying this verse through my vision and I pray that you will help me with that as well! Thank you so much for helping me through this!

Blessings, my friends

Numbers 6:22-26

     "²² Then the Lord said to Moses, ²³ “Tell Aaron and his sons to bless the people of Israel with this special blessing:

 ²⁴ ‘May the Lord bless you
      and protect you.
 ²⁵ May the Lord smile on you
      and be gracious to you.
 ²⁶ May the Lord show you his favor
      and give you his peace.’ "

I've had a stressful week. Not this week, as much as the last 7 days. I woke up on Friday morning with Strep Throat. Not the most fun ever, but to top that off; I ended up with a cold and some work issues as well. Needless to say, I was in need of a blessing this morning. Again, the Lord provided for me.

I found myself glazing over the offerings the twelve tribes of Isreal gave for the Tabernacle and wondering; again, what I should be getting out of this protion of scripture, when out of no where I was hit with another gem. The Lord told Aaron to bless the Isrealites with the blessing found in Numbers 6...and you know what? I'm a child of God too, so it applies to me as well! I NEEDED to hear those words today, I NEEDED to know that the Lord will show me His favor and give me peace; I needed it like I needed the air to breathe!

I've noticed this verse before, but I never made it personal. When I was in high school we sang two different versions of "An Old Irish Blessing" which has words very similar to this verse, so every year when I reach this verse I end up singing one or a combination of the two songs all day. This year however, I took it to heart. I want that Blessing in my life! I want the Lord to smile upon me, daily! And I needed to be reminded just how much the Lord protects me. Praise God that He protects me, because I know that I am nothing on my own, I've proven that over and over again!

When my heart lifted after reading this verse, I wanted to share it with my small audience. I want you; the few, the faithful; to know just how much God loves you as well. So with that being said, I pray that every person who reads this entry, will feel the Lord working in thier lives, feel His protection, smile, favor and His peace! I would also like to leave you with the atual words to the Old Irish Blessing as well.

Old Irish Blessing

May the road rise to meet you:
May the wind be always at your back,
The sun shine warm upon your face,
The rain fall soft upon your fields,
And until we meet again
May God hold you in the palm of his hand.

Dear Lord, thank You so much for each and every person You have sent to read this Blog today. I know that You have awesome plans for them Lord, plans to prosper them and not harm them. Thank You for the gift of thier friendships in my life Lord. I pray that You would protect them, and keep them in the palm of Your hand, Lord. Thank You again Lord for Your peace and favor in our lives. I love you Lord.

Author Unknown



Amen

The Pain of Learning

Mark 11:22-25

   "²² Then Jesus said to the disciples, “Have faith in God. ²³ I tell you the truth, you can say to this mountain, ‘May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea,’ and it will happen. But you must really believe it will happen and have no doubt in your heart. ²⁴ I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe that you’ve received it, it will be yours. ²⁵ But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too.”

Again, I'm reading my Bible and God's word is screaming at me! Maybe I misjuged my word for the year, maybe instead of paitence, it should have been faith.

Several years ago, I was filling convicted to try and "watch my words" better then I was at the time. So at the beginning of that year, I decided to underline/highlight all of the verses that talked about words in my "read it in a year" Bible. It turns out that Provebs, especially, has a lot to say about words; as well as James. It appears that I'm doing the same thing this year with the word faith. Every time I turn around, God's nudging me towards that word, or some aspect of that word. I think this is where the paitence comes in, it's part of my faith walk. I need to learn paitence to wait on God's will for my life; but have faith that His will for me, is a good thing as well.

I remember a long time ago, when the "Believe it and recieve it" campaign was going on, and lots of people were "claiming" things in the spirit of this campaign. I was young enough to not really understand what was going on then, but I think that it got a little out of hand and showy; and people started speaking out against it. I am not sure, exactly, how God viewed that campaign, but I know this verse was mentioned a lot during that time. I noticed for the first time last year, and again this year, that this verse comes with a "but". It dosen't say that all you have to do is believe and it WILL happen, it says that you must first forgive others whom you are holding grudges against.

Can you imagine? How often do we hold grudges, kowingly? I know that I've talked about this before, but if we hold grudges that often knowingly, how often are we holding grudges when we don't even realize it? I found myself instantly praying about a situation I've been enduring for awhile, is it enough to forgive that person in my head? Do I need to call them and tell them personally that I've forgiven them for hurting me? I know that, at least, for me...I'm scared. I scared that making that phone call, will cause me more pain. In this particular situation the other person may believe that I was the one causing the pain and therefore, shouldn't NEED to be forgiven by me. I've finally started to deal with this pain in my heart over the choices that were made; do I really want to bring it all back up? But then I read this verse again, and I'm struck; how do I handle it? I'm on a journey to grow my faith; to lean paitence, but is this really possible; without the forgivness being voiced?

In the same breath that I told God I forgave them...again...I had to instantly ask for my own forgivness. If I'm holding a grudge against someone, I am sinning. There is no way to "softly" put that, but to say it. Holding a grudge is SIN. The Bible tells us to confess our sins and we will be forgiven. So I'm here to tell you that I HAVE indeed held a grudge, and I have indeed released it to God...again. I'm still not sure how I'm going to handle this situation, but I know that it'll take some serious prayer and counsel from friends to clear it in my head.

I must have been meant to write about this today, because I had intended to write about the faith aspect of this verse, but again...God yelled, and said "HEY, don't forget this part...this is a VERY important part of this verse!" I praise God, because He really is teaching me things, even if they ARE painful to learn. I pray that I'm able to take His lessons with a grain of salt, get up and put them into action!

Attitude...it'll be the death of me yet!

Ephesians 4:21-24

     "Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, 22 throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. 23 Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. 24 Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy."

Attitude: manner, disposition, feeling, position, etc., with regard to a person or thing; tendency or orientation, especially of the mind: a negative attitude; group attitudes. At least that's how it's defined by my good friend dictionary.com.

In this day and age, we tend to associate the word attitude with a BAD attitude, and that's what I'm going to talk about today. MY bad attitude. Through a series of events, I went to bed last night with a bad attitude and woke up with one too. My morning went according to my attitude about it, I was barely able to keep my eyes dry and was just not willing to even TRY smiling. I'm still having difficulties with that aspect, and it's been 3 hours since I got to work.

I know that my attitude isn't pleasing to God, I knew it from the start. In fact, I knew when I was reading my Bible this morning that I'd have to write this blog about my attitude. So as soon as I got to work, I looked up this verse about attitude. It's funny, but the Bible doesn't use the word attitude with a negative connotation much, it mostly talks about an attitude of prayer, which got me thinking that I needed to pray about my attitude. So when I'd emailed my husband and found out his attitude wasn't much better (I had emailed him to ask him to pray for me), I put into practice what I've always preached. I stopped what I was doing, and prayed. I've found a little "help" to my prayer life, that is, I type out my prayers. Well, that's not always true, but if I'm going to pray for someone because of an email request then I pray right then and there, and type that prayer out in the email and return it to the person making the request. My best friend and I have been doing this for awhile now, and I know that, at least in my case, it's really helped me to keep my promise to pray for the person. So I typed in my email to my husband, a prayer for the both of us. I started to feel better at that point, but I was still struggling. So my best friend sent me a prayer email as well. The words really spoke to me, and really helped to heal me at that time. Here are the words that helped me.

Lord, I know that you love us. I know that you NEVER want us unhappy or upset. I pray for my best friend right now! I pray that you would intervene in her attitude and I pray that you would give her a peace and comfort like she has never known today! I pray Lord, that you will calm her nerves and help her to just feel your presence! We thank you for ALL that you have done for us and ALL that you are going to do for us! WE LOVE YOU LORD!!! Amen

These simple words, spoken in love have been acting together with my prayer from earlier to heal my attitude. I won't profess that I'm totally healed of it, because I'm not, I'm still struggling to smile, and when I do manage to get the smile out, it's lasting mere seconds. I do know though, that my attitude is less dark, and I'm not on the verge of tears anymore. I can still use prayers, as can my husband; but I am healing, and YES, the Lord is answering our prayers to make me new!